Candlelit Swim

I climbed down what felt like a 100 foot ladder into a cave with candles around the outside. My skin was covered in sticky sweat and dust from the hike to the cave in 90 degree heat and 90% humidity. I jumped into the cold, refreshing water to go for a swim and felt a deep sense of awe and wonder at this magical place. I had never swam in such clear, clean, naturally beautiful water in my life. I felt immense gratitude for this once in a lifetime experience in the Dominican Repubic (DR).

I had traveled to the DR when I discovered a volunteer opportunity to supervise bilingual Speech Language Pathology (SLP) college students for a 2 week study abroad program. I was feeling the itch to travel and this all expenses paid trip was a cool opportunity to learn about a new culture, mentor future SLP's, practice my Spanish, and have an adventure. What I didn't realize, was the emotional rollercoaster that would be a part of the trip as a person with emotional intensity.

Here is a description of some of the emotions I experienced on the trip to the DR:

• Confusion: I couldn't find the leaders at the airport when I arrived and couldn't figure out the wi-fi to communicate by Whatsapp.

• Excitement: ziplining hundreds of feet above a lagoon and went free falling into the water.

• Exhausted: I modeled strategies for 4 hours a day for 5 days to support learning, communication, and play at the outdoor camp we were running in 90 degree temps with 90% humidity with energetic, neurodivergent preschool children.

• Peace: when I floated in the pool outside my cabin looking up at giant, green leaves and plants of the rainforest

• Anger: when a leader from the study abroad program implied that students asking for a hotel that is clean, doesn't have strong smells of bleach and incense, and isn't 95 degrees and humid with no fans or windows is snobby

• Proud: when I empathetically validated the women's emotions and they joined in collective action to get a different hotel at 11pm for the night before our flights home

• Energized: singing Adele at the top of our lungs in the giant van

• Curious: trying Indian foods while sitting on the floor and eating with our hands at an authentic Asian restaurant

• Ashamed: when a leader at the school where we worked shared that our play based approach to camp wasn't what they have seen in the past and they were expecting more structured learning opportunities for the children

• Appreciative: of air conditioning after spending two weeks in heat and humidity

• Disgusted: stepping on a giant, crunchy cockroach with bare feet

• Nostalgic: saying goodbye to my new friends when it was time to go home

For a long time, I felt like my emotional intensity was "too much." If I felt deep sadness or anger, I wasn't being grateful enough and just needed look at the positive parts of my life and consider how things could be worse. Learning about my emotional intensity was essential to learn to process my emotions in a healthy way so that they didn't get stuck and get in the way of me accomplishing my goals.

Here are some traits of people with emotional intensity:

• strong neurological reactions to stimuli

• wide range of complex emotional responses

• deep emotional connection to people, places and things (i.e. animals, trees)

• highly empathetic

• remarkable capacity for deep relationships and easily feel lonely since this level of depth is challenging to cultivate

• sensitive to the emotions of others

• strong sense of fairness

• idealistic

• self-critical and often have feelings of inferiority or inadequacy

• can have difficulty with change

• may be perceived as overreacting or dramatic

• prone to deep and extended grief at the loss of something

• struggle with losing at games

• somatic expressions of emotions: tense stomach, blushing, nausea

Getting to the point in my adulthood where I could name and acknowledge my emotions took a lot of unlearning old beliefs about emotions, learning tools to navigate through my intense emotions, and practice. But if I hadn't built up these skills, my leadership would not have been as effective in the DR. The future Speech Language Pathologists left empowered, resilient, with more cultural competence and cultural humility thanks to my emotional intensity.

TIP: Create systems in your business to be able to create adequate time for yourself to process intense emotions.

Check out the long, ladder I was terrified to climb down below!